Four

Alice lay in bed with a hangover. The phone rang. Her head throbbed and her stomach felt like it was falling down a mineshaft as she reached for the phone. She didn’t want to speak to anyone. She only answered it to stop the pain.

. “Hello” she said weakly

“Alice” said Charlotte

Alice didn’t think this conversation was going to help her hangover

“What?” she replied testily.

“We’re in trouble” said Charlotte.

Alice considered her position, a team of builders with sledge hammers were busy working inside her head, her mouth was as dry as meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and her stomach was making involuntary movements that would have brought the house down at a belly dancing club. How could she be in more trouble than this?

“What sort of trouble Charlie?” said Alice, her mind in a fog

“My parents have found out”

“About what, Charlie?” Alice was becoming irritated. Charlotte at her most obtuse was the last thing she needed at this moment

“About the nude day”

“What nude day?” said Alice sitting up abruptly. The room span, her stomach held on for dear life, and then last night came flooding back to her. The hangover was small beer now.

“Oh” she said, “that was just a joke wasn’t it?”

“Er, no it wasn’t, Alice”

“How did they find out, Charlie?” asked Alice suspiciously.

“Well I was a trifle drunk when I got home and I left the sponsor form downstairs. And when I got up this morning for breakfast………”

“Breakfast” interrupted Alice, “you could eat breakfast”

“Yes, why not? And why are you shouting”

“Get on with it Charlie” said an exasperated Alice.

“When I got up for breakfast, there was my sponsor form on the table”

Alice felt a chill, her parents were good friends of Charlotte’s.

“So my father says ‘What’s the meaning of this young lady?’” continued Charlotte in a rush.

“I tried to tell him it was a joke and that someone in the pub had collected the sponsors. Then my mother told me I should have refused. I tried to explain what happened but they wouldn’t listen” she said desperately.

Hung-over as she was Alice was not in the mood to suffer Charlotte’s blathering.

“So what, just chuck the form in the bin.” She said sharply. “After all we’re not going to do it, and we won’t be doing anything wrong unless we collect the money”

“That’s what I told them” said Charlotte, “but they wouldn’t accept it”

“So what do they expect you do?” asked an increasingly incredulous Alice.
“Go through with it?”

“That’s exactly what they want me to do.” Charlotte put on a deep voice trying to imitate her father. “You volunteered for this so you must do it”

“But didn’t you tell them you didn’t volunteer”

“Of course I did, but he just pointed to the form” explained Charlotte changing her voice again “Is that your signature young lady?”

There was silence on the phone

“So what are you going to do” asked Alice in a quiet voice “If you have to do it you could go round to Lizzie’s”

“I suggested that, ‘No young lady” said my mother “I’m not having you parade around naked in someone else’s house, you’ll do it here”

“Oh my God Charlie, nude in front of your parents” Alice shivered at the thought of it

“I’ll have to lock myself in bedroom for twenty four hours” said Charlotte

“How will you eat” queried Alice, instantly regretting asking as her stomach churned at the thought of food.

“They can leave a tray outside the room and I’ll pick it up when they’ve gone” said Charlotte brightly. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“So they are keeping this under wraps so to speak” said Alice hopefully

“Not exactly” replied Charlotte “Everyone will know I’m spending the day naked. They’ve taken the sponsor form to church to see if they get some more sponsors”

“What?” screamed Alice. That really made her head hurt “You didn’t tell them that I, tell me you didn’t Charlie” she pleaded

“Well I might have just mentioned something” said Charlotte in a quiet voice.

“Mentioned what” said Alice in a low, menacing voice “What did you just mention Charlie?

“Oh all right then, I told them you and Lizzie had fallen for the same trick, I thought it may make them change their minds”

“Oh thanks very much Charlie,” said Alice “Thanks a bundle”

“Well my parents may not speak to yours” suggested charlotte.

“How probable is that Charlie?” asked Alice.

Silence.

“I’m sorry Alice” said Charlotte in a small voice. Alice thought deeply for a moment.

“No” she told her friend “it’s my fault I should have backed you up in the pub”

She heard the front door slam with meaning.

“My parents are back, and I have an inkling that they may have been told something not quite to their liking” Alice told Charlotte.

What are you going to do?” asked Charlotte

“Front out” said Alice with a sudden determination.

She leapt out of bed flung on her robe and hurried downstairs. Her parents were in the kitchen

“Hi Mum, hi Dad, will you sponsor me?” Alice said breezily. She shoved the form at them.

Alice’s mother had devised a clear plan to tackle Alice about her involvement in Nude for Africa. This little attack wasn’t on it. She looked flummoxed.

‘Round one to me’ thought Alice

“What’s this dear” asked her father.

Alice smiled. She’d taken the wind right out of their sails.

“But Alice, dear you can’t possibly do this” said her mother without even looking at the form, “what possibly could you have been thinking of when you signed up for this?

“Starving children in Africa” replied Alice, quickly occupying the high moral ground

Alice’s parents looked at each other. Neither said a word. They‘d clearly planned to attack her in the same manner as Charlotte’s parents. Totally outflanked they could think of nothing left to say.

“Can I put you down for £20” asked Alice brightly.

Headache suddenly gone, Alice climbed the stairs two at a time and sang a very jaunty tune in the shower. She looked at her body as the warm water dribbled down. “Not as good as Lizzie’s” she thought “but I pass muster”

She gleefully reported her triumph to Charlotte on the phone.

“But Alice” said Charlotte thoughtfully, “with that attitude it’s going to be difficult to hide away in your room”

“Oops” squeaked Alice.

Five

Sunday lunch was a trial for both Charlotte and Alice, but in very different ways.

Alice had to try and maintain her enthusiasm, uncomfortable in the knowledge that at exactly the same time next week she’d be sitting at the very same table stark naked.

Meanwhile Charlotte sat in total silence, while her parents’ tried to make small talk.

‘How could I be so stupid?’ she thought again and again.

“I hope this will be a lesson to you young lady” admonished her father as if reading her thoughts, “A day spent in your room to ponder upon the evils of drink”

“Who said I would stay in my room?” snapped Charlotte, regretting the words almost the instant they came from her mouth.

“If you think you are walking around this house in a state of undress you have another thing coming” said her father sternly

“No dear” said her mother soothingly to her husband. “If Charlotte has to do this, she must face up to her mistakes and if that means she has to sit at this table as God made her then so be it”

Charlotte shuddered, her emotions were slowly building up, and she was now close to tears.

A short walk away along sunlit leafy avenues Alice’s household was far from quiet. Following her moral victory with the sponsor form she found herself at the butt of her younger brother’s jokes. They were eating Sunday lunch in the garden.

“Hope it stays fine next week” he said “I wouldn’t want you get cold feet; or anything else for that matter” he tittered. “Can we have chicken next week, I fancy a bit of breast for lunch”

“You have all the wit of children’s entertainer, Greg” snapped Alice

“Leave your sister alone, she’s doing this for charity Gregory” chided their mother.

Ever since Greg was thirteen he had been trying to clock his sister. He was always hanging around when she’d been for a shower, hoping to catch a glimpse. Well now it looked like he would get to see more than he ever dreamed.

“Hey sis watch out you nearly spilt some gravy on your clothes” said Greg “Won’t be a problem next week, you’ll barely notice it, and what’s more it will wipe off your suit without leaving a stain. That’s your birthday suit ha ha ha!

‘As subtle as a flying mallet’ thought Alice

“So how much will you sponsor me Greg?” she asked “can I put you down for a pound an hour, or will you join me, I’ve a spare form”

“No way sis, my clothes are staying on, on, on”

“You’re an idiot Greg” she replied

At his point her father intervened and gave Greg a stern lecture on his sister’s sincere stance (Alice winced) and if he wasn’t mature enough he could stay at his aunt’s house next week. The thought of not seeing his sister in the altogether sobered Greg and he stopped making lascivious comments.

When they had finished Alice began to clear the table.

‘I’ll be doing this in the nude next week’ she thought. ‘How I could have been so stupid as to get myself into this.’

The phone rang. Her mother answered

“Yes”

“What! Next week!” she exclaimed loudly

There was a pause as she listened.

“Well there is a slight problem with Alice”

Another pause.

“Well mother, it’s like this. Alice has got herself £250 sponsorship for ‘The Nude for Africa Appeal’”

“Yes you heard right mother.” said Alice’s mother

“I’d forgotten we were coming to you for lunch”

An escape plan loomed in Alice’s mind. ‘If I stay in bed until they leave, Nan’s lunches go until seven at least, they won’t get back until about eight, by which time I’ll be back in bed with a headache”

“Your grandmother wants to speak with you” said Alice’s mother in a voice that sounded somehow deflated

“Hi Nan” said Alice “I’m sorry I won’t be able to make dinner next week”

“Nonsense, I won’t hear of it” replied her grandmother.

Better and better thought Alice, I’ll be able to drop the ‘Nude for Africa’ altogether.

“If my granddaughter is prepared to bare all for the starving the least I can do is welcome her in my home.” Alice’s jaw dropped.

“I’m so proud of you my dear. If I was thirty years younger I’d join you myself. I told your mother she should be ashamed of herself.”

Alice closed her eyes in despair as her grandmother continued.

“Instead of admonishing you she should be stripping off herself. How much do you want me to sponsor you for?”

“Whatever you can afford Nan” said a downfallen Alice.

“Have you got any spare sponsor forms”

“Yes I have Nan” replied Alice.

“Then give one to your stuffy mother” she replied cackling heartily.

A downfallen Alice went upstairs to phone Charlotte.