Five

Sunday lunch was a trial for both Charlotte and Alice, but in very different ways.

Alice had to try and maintain her enthusiasm, uncomfortable in the knowledge that at exactly the same time next week she’d be sitting at the very same table stark naked.

Meanwhile Charlotte sat in total silence, while her parents’ tried to make small talk.

‘How could I be so stupid?’ she thought again and again.

“I hope this will be a lesson to you young lady” admonished her father as if reading her thoughts, “A day spent in your room to ponder upon the evils of drink”

“Who said I would stay in my room?” snapped Charlotte, regretting the words almost the instant they came from her mouth.

“If you think you are walking around this house in a state of undress you have another thing coming” said her father sternly

“No dear” said her mother soothingly to her husband. “If Charlotte has to do this, she must face up to her mistakes and if that means she has to sit at this table as God made her then so be it”

Charlotte shuddered, her emotions were slowly building up, and she was now close to tears.

A short walk away along sunlit leafy avenues Alice’s household was far from quiet. Following her moral victory with the sponsor form she found herself at the butt of her younger brother’s jokes. They were eating Sunday lunch in the garden.

“Hope it stays fine next week” he said “I wouldn’t want you get cold feet; or anything else for that matter” he tittered. “Can we have chicken next week, I fancy a bit of breast for lunch”

“You have all the wit of children’s entertainer, Greg” snapped Alice

“Leave your sister alone, she’s doing this for charity Gregory” chided their mother.

Ever since Greg was thirteen he had been trying to clock his sister. He was always hanging around when she’d been for a shower, hoping to catch a glimpse. Well now it looked like he would get to see more than he ever dreamed.

“Hey sis watch out you nearly spilt some gravy on your clothes” said Greg “Won’t be a problem next week, you’ll barely notice it, and what’s more it will wipe off your suit without leaving a stain. That’s your birthday suit ha ha ha!

‘As subtle as a flying mallet’ thought Alice

“So how much will you sponsor me Greg?” she asked “can I put you down for a pound an hour, or will you join me, I’ve a spare form”

“No way sis, my clothes are staying on, on, on”

“You’re an idiot Greg” she replied

At his point her father intervened and gave Greg a stern lecture on his sister’s sincere stance (Alice winced) and if he wasn’t mature enough he could stay at his aunt’s house next week. The thought of not seeing his sister in the altogether sobered Greg and he stopped making lascivious comments.

When they had finished Alice began to clear the table.

‘I’ll be doing this in the nude next week’ she thought. ‘How I could have been so stupid as to get myself into this.’

The phone rang. Her mother answered

“Yes”

“What! Next week!” she exclaimed loudly

There was a pause as she listened.

“Well there is a slight problem with Alice”

Another pause.

“Well mother, it’s like this. Alice has got herself £250 sponsorship for ‘The Nude for Africa Appeal’”

“Yes you heard right mother.” said Alice’s mother

“I’d forgotten we were coming to you for lunch”

An escape plan loomed in Alice’s mind. ‘If I stay in bed until they leave, Nan’s lunches go until seven at least, they won’t get back until about eight, by which time I’ll be back in bed with a headache”

“Your grandmother wants to speak with you” said Alice’s mother in a voice that sounded somehow deflated

“Hi Nan” said Alice “I’m sorry I won’t be able to make dinner next week”

“Nonsense, I won’t hear of it” replied her grandmother.

Better and better thought Alice, I’ll be able to drop the ‘Nude for Africa’ altogether.

“If my granddaughter is prepared to bare all for the starving the least I can do is welcome her in my home.” Alice’s jaw dropped.

“I’m so proud of you my dear. If I was thirty years younger I’d join you myself. I told your mother she should be ashamed of herself.”

Alice closed her eyes in despair as her grandmother continued.

“Instead of admonishing you she should be stripping off herself. How much do you want me to sponsor you for?”

“Whatever you can afford Nan” said a downfallen Alice.

“Have you got any spare sponsor forms”

“Yes I have Nan” replied Alice.

“Then give one to your stuffy mother” she replied cackling heartily.

A downfallen Alice went upstairs to phone Charlotte.